Friendship Interrupted (eBook)

&quote;Hello, Are You Still There?&quote;

JoAnne Cianfichi, Lisa Quinlivan (Autoren)

eBook Download: EPUB

2016 | 1. Auflage
108 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-4951-7815-3 (ISBN)

Infos

This is the story of two young girls who met and became friends. Over several decades since, they have moved in and out of each other's lives. This account covers many happy times they've shared, obstacles they've surmounted, and how their lives are intertwined. The long-time friends generously share private and personal reflections to assist others in forging and maintaining friendships. As they tell their story, Lisa and JoAnne entertain and amuse with wisdom and humor. While the details of their lives likely differ from those of readers, the emotions are certainly universal.

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JoAnne and Lisa met at the corner of Jackson and Pine in their hometown. It was a small Pennsylvania town with a big heart, and the girls found in each other qualities they sincerely needed. This is the story of two girls who would become steadfast friends after meeting during one of the first days of high school. As luck would have it, they walked home on the same route. Most students rode the bus since they lived in the suburbs. These two girls lived right in the city, which allowed for daily walks home together while they caught up on events of the school day. Many secrets were told at that corner and many tears were shed. But mostly there was the laughter of these 13 year old girls. Their lives were far from carefree, however. JoAnne lost her father to cancer when she was almost five, whereas Lisa lost her father on and off to alcoholism throughout much of her life. With similar yet very different childhoods, these two girls found each other and shared their teen years, providing support to one another for all the ups and downs. Yet life being as it is, there came the inevitable time when their paths diverged. Lisa became a young wife and mother while JoAnne went on to pursue college and career. In what they laughingly, yet seriously, refer to as their "e;bump"e;-and what would have been for other women way more than a "e;bump in the road"e;-misunderstandings and hurt feelings arose when JoAnne was getting married, with the potential to end their special bond. Through communication and perhaps a little luck, they were able to get past the hurdle of gossip and misstatements that seriously threatened their friendship. Years later, they are stronger than ever, wise about the missteps people take with friends, smart about how to avoid the traps, and philosophical about what friends can do for one another and how they add to a person's life and happiness. They are perhaps even closer, for they almost lost what means so much to both of them-their friendship. Through it all, both women have had various friendships. This is the story of their very special onewith each other.

Textauszug

Chapter Two

Appreciating Good Friends and Dropping Others

“True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice.”

—Samuel Johnson, English poet and essayist

Not all friends are good for us. If they keep us company or get into mischief with us—that would qualify them as “friends.” But the true measure of a good friend is one who backs you up and provides positive support.

Many issues can get in the way—money, spouses, social pressures, health, careers, children, gossip, and other friends. But good friends are more than worth their weight in gold.

Feeling respected or envied

The green-eyed monster is a wicked nemesis to a happy friendship. Jealousy, envy, resentment—the results of comparisons—cause friction that can be devastating.

Our best advice to those who want to honor their friends is to be happy for their triumphs and be there when times are tough for them. However, don’t assume because your motives are pure that the other person is just the same.

You may lend support that your friend wouldn’t. However, your friend may support you in another way, make you laugh when you are about to cry, or provide perspective when you’re too close to a problem to be objective.

We are not clones of one another, so styles and talents and desires differ. Just make sure a friendship is not one-sided. However, having said that, this is not a contest and keeping score just wreaks havoc to positive feelings. Being even does not mean 50-50, but instead means that each person in a friendship benefits—both from giving and taking.

Splitting up…and what happens afterward (Lisa)

Unfortunately, not all friendships are as precious as the one between JoAnne and me.

Ending a long-term friendship with my friend Gabby was difficult, monumental in fact. And yet, the all-encompassing question that faced me was, “Really, Lisa, are you going to go on tolerating and becoming more unhappy about it?” The toxicity of the relationship was overwhelming. But how did Gabby and I arrive at that point?

Originally I was going to tell the story of how this friendship began, progressed, and ultimately ended. It happens to be a good story, even funny in parts. But despite disguising the details, and I’ve already changed her name, I know she will recognize herself. And I have no desire to inflict hurt upon her. I’ve searched the laundry room of my mind and decided I like fresh smelling laundry. So I’m taking the high road.

The romantic notion of friendship is that it should last forever. That is a lovely thought, but sometimes reality forges another path. People grow in different ways, some choosing to stay in the same place, while others need to move forward and embrace change.

The years went by and there were many good memories. But unfortunately, the toxic situations kept mounting, overshadowing everything else. Meanwhile, I was evolving and seeking new outlets through my interior design business. And always, my priority was my family—they came first, hands down!

Tolerance is always at my core; it is simply part of who I am. But I was asked by my husband, “When does strength become a weakness?” This query brought on serious reflection and finally, I was at the doorstep of ending the friendship. After Gabby and I talked (I didn’t just walk away), the split became final.

Time has certainly healed. There is a scar, however faint, but it remains. And I know that emotional survival depends on our thoughts. So now, years later, I continue to tell myself, “Make the choice to remember the good times of your friendship with Gabby.” Those good times are still in my memory and they are mine.

Another memory (Lisa)

I remember an early Christmas in my life with my husband, Dan, and our sons, Brendon and Christian. The boys were so little. We did not have much money that Christmas and I have always loved “giving,” especially a meaningful gift for Dan. I remembered that my Dad had shared General Douglas MacArthur’s “Prayer for His Son” with me a while ago. I loved that prayer so I had a calligrapher pen the poem on a beautiful sheet of parchment paper.

I presented my young husband with an 8 x 10 photo of each of the boys flanking the framed poem. Dan loved this gift so much. It was particularly meaningful because we were committed to raising Brendon and Christian in accordance with the inspiration from that prayer. We wanted our sons strong and brave, yet humble and gentle too.

My friend, Fiona, happened to be one of our visitors that holiday. Dan proudly showed his gift to her. She read it, put it down, and said, “Isn’t that a little idealistic?” Fiona proceeded to the dinner table at our house, oblivious to the reaction her comment caused.

Oh well, I can only color these stories with humor, for I cannot make this stuff up. I learned from the Fionas of my life, “how not to be.”

Untraditional but meaningful (JoAnne)

Sometimes friendships form when you least expect it; and usually things happen for a reason. Through my church, I was involved in missions and became inspired by a nun who had started an orphanage in Nigeria. As luck would have it, I met the coordinator of a residential treatment center for adolescents. I was motivated to get involved, to give back a little and reach out to help a child in my own community.

After receiving training at the center, I officially became mentor to a 12-year-old girl. Unofficially, I soon came to think of her as a friend.

Initially and not unexpectedly, I was extremely nervous. I didn’t know if she’d like me or if we’d find common ground. To my delight, she had a smile on her face when we met. Still, I was challenged by the emotional trauma this young child had already experienced, but challenge often brings out the best in us.

Despite the training, I didn’t know how we’d relate or what we’d do together. But things fell into place, in part because we built a tenuous but nonetheless significant bond. I took her shopping, and we played cards and listened to music. I also listened to her problems as I sought to be a sounding board when she got into trouble, which she did at times.

We eventually grew to trust and respect one another. I never expected to find friendship at a residential center for traumatized youths, but I did.

When we stay open to the universe, we are often surprised by the bonds that form and the people who end up affecting us. I helped this 12 year old get through a difficult stage in her young life. In turn, she touched my heart.

Age is just a number (JoAnne)

Age doesn’t matter in friendship. What matters is that you form a bond neither person wants to break. Whether someone is younger or older than you, I believe each of us is pulled like a magnet to those who are meant to become our friends.

When I worked as a Professional Organizer, one of my clients was a woman in her seventies who had accumulated many possessions over the years. I was hired to help her let go of things that were cluttering her home and her life, and I looked forward to our time together. Although we were a generation apart, we seemed to hit a harmonious chord.

When I retired, neither of us wanted to end what had become a friendship. Now we get together for lunch and talk on the phone. Unexpected friendships are sometimes the best kind.

Really?

It happens to all of us at one time or another. We call a friend to talk and he or she sounds happy to hear from us, reciting everything on his or her mind. We hear about our friend’s job, family, and relationship…perhaps about a recent shopping excursion, sports scores, or the latest yoga craze.

When we go to talk, to discuss what was troubling or exciting us, and precipitating the call, our friend quickly interjects, “I’ve got to go.”

If you pivot quickly and move the conversation back to your friend, the call is likely to be extended. But if you persist in trying to discuss yourself, your friend has to get back to work or gardening, or whatever.

Sometimes it’s as if we can put the phone down and go eat lunch, only to come back and find the friend is still talking without ever realizing we were missing.

Probably the friend would never think to say, “Hello, are you still there?”

That’s not the best kind of friend. The best kind talks and listens equally.

Spatial differences

We once heard that women’s friendships are face-to-face and men’s are side-by-side. When men have friends, they sit at a bar side-by-side discussing sports, jobs, or girls. At a sporting event, they sit or stand beside one another while watching the contest, their testosterone flowing.

Women, on the other hand, tend to face each other over coffee or meals, leaning in to discuss family, work, or men. By looking at each other, it’s easy to gauge reactions, register emotions, and respond.

Platonic male-female friendships, the kind that are not romances but rather those labeled “just friends,” are generally of the side-by-side variety.

So you want to be my friend?

Sitting around talking one night, we decided there should be a list of questions to ask potential friends, especially those who pursue us...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 7.5.2016
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Partnerschaft / Sexualität
• ISBN-10: 1-4951-7815-3 / 1495178153
• ISBN-13: 978-1-4951-7815-3 / 9781495178153