Getting Back in the River (eBook)

Sara Dumaine Brouillet (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2013 | 1. Auflage
78 Seiten
First Edition Design Publishing (Verlag)
978-1-62287-309-8 (ISBN)

Infos

GETTING BACK IN THE RIVER creates the opportunity for new insights and fresh, yet timeless, understandings of grieving, and provides actual steps of core healing in bereavement.

Textauszug

Defining the Good, the Bad, and the Uglies

Good, Bad, and Uglies ~ what a strange concept. Twenty-one years ago, when my Mom died and my then-written letters evolved to become the GBU letters, the term had not been bandied about and most would have associated it with the Clint Eastwood movie of a nearly identical name.1 Writing the GBU letters serves a very particular purpose: to help us heal the deepest wounds of ungrieved loss, known to us, perhaps, at some level of conscious awareness (friends and family may notice our bereavement symptoms), and to help us choose to accept sacred love, ever present in the loss.

Misinformation about bereavement is rampant and may be summarized in six “dictums,” as noted by John W. James and Frank Cherry:

 

1. Bury your feelings;

2. Replace the loss;

3. Grieve alone;

4. Give “it” time;

5. Regret the past; and,

6. Do not trust.2

 

Strong statements about a process, grieving, most of us would rather avoid; rarely, are we successful in doing so. It is a truth: if a particular loss is important to our healthy growth and development, “it” will continue to come around and around, presenting itself for inner work until we work through it, thereby beginning a foundational part of core healing. Completing the GBU letters contributes to deep healing of our loss.

The GBU letters are comprised of two parts, two letters: the first letter, the part from which the good, bad, and uglies name is derived, is a letter written by the person who is grieving the loss to someone or something else, the focus/foci of the loss. The second letter is written only after three whole days have transpired from completion of (and safely burning) the first letter or anytime--72 hours or greater--thereafter.3

 

In Matthew, we learn:

Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, “Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.” But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign; but no sign shall be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the whale, so will the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Nineveh will arise at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here.”4

 

Once written and read the first letter is to be placed in an envelope and burned, a safe fire, a safe manner of burning the letter being of paramount concern (see Sample First GBU Letter, p. 149).

The second letter is written by the person who is grieving the loss to themselves from the person, pet, event or material loss addressed in the first GBU letter (see Sample Second Letter, p. 151). Chapter Two describes the specific processes of writing the GBU letters and offers examples of the profound healing realized in writing them.

What are the definitions of the terms good, bad, and uglies, in the context of the GBU letters? The good: anything we liked or loved about the loss. The bad: anything we did not like about the loss. The uglies: anything we hated (feared), the worst-of-the-worst in thoughts and feelings we did not want to think or feel, AND the thoughts and feelings that surprise us or those we would not think possible coming from us, that is, anything ugly/hurtful to the loss or to ourselves in our relationship with the loss. It is helpful to ask the staple questions of journalistic writing, who, what, when, where, and how, to understand the purpose the two letters serve. Answering each of these inquiries about the GBU letters helps to explain what they mean and helps us to remain present during a process of grieving, that, almost by definition, moves us to a less-conscious place within ourselves.

It is likely we are confused or numb. In the best-of-the-worst situations (a loved one who suffered with a long and/or painful illness, an injury or “life condition”), we may remain so busy taking care of things that we delay our grieving for an extended period of time. We may be afraid, angry, in the Jell-O pool (p. 43), unwilling or unable to embrace our healing--who cares, why bother, leave it alone. We, ourselves, often are left to grieve alone. God? God let this happen; why would I want to pray or seek God at all? Leave me alone. After all, the person left, the dream is gone, right? We do not see the resurrection, yet; it may feel to us as if it were Holy Week and too much like Good Friday.

 

In Philippians, Paul writes:

Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. . . . But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as refuse, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own, based on law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith; that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. . . . but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brethren, join in imitating me, and mark those who so live as you have an example in us.5

 

The GBU letters help us to know God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness. Still, we are grieving; when we become aware of this truth, honestly and kindly within ourselves, we are firmly on the path of beginning our healing. This book offers an enriched understanding of grieving, and a tried-and-true, sacred manner from which to heal loss. We are called to surrender our selves, our loss, the dying to self, to God. Jesus, God incarnate, in the power of the Holy Spirit’s actions of love and mercy, is calling us to walk in faith. In loving action, the Lord’s presence shows us how to be an umbrella of faith when faith is not or seems less evident in another; even, to be faithful with one another as God in Christ is with us.

As for the man who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not for disputes over opinions. . . . Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Master is able to make him stand. . . . None of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.6

On the cross, Jesus, as the God-man who is more ego-identifiable to us, is dying for our sins, to his full humanity in this life with us; then, by the power of the Holy Spirit, Jesus is raised up and is, as always, one with God. We do not comprehend God’s action in the resurrected Christ, the Person of Jesus at every moment, even though as baptized Christians we are called to discern and to be faithful, really to accept the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit, the Christ of our being. At this point, it may be quite arduous for us to walk in faith and to surrender our doubt.

We question whether or not we will be with this beloved person ever again; we feel our loss in their death and not our oneness with God and with our loved one in the power of the Holy Spirit. If one way of knowing the Holy Spirit within is to discern God’s righteousness, faithfulness, the gift of love in the struggle, then we are called to surrender the loss immediately, to give it to the Lord, for God’s purpose to be served. We know the gift of love in the struggle at any moment in time, as we walk in truth with the Lord and are united with the gifts in the loss. In a seminary class, it was said that the Holy Spirit not only is with us in the struggle, more truly is the struggle. These understandings are akin to the words, “but God” or “because God” or “with God.”

To us, ‘And to the centurion Jesus said, “Go; be it done for you as you have believed.” And the servant was healed at that very moment.’7 The GBU letters offer a way, with openness and honesty, for us to express and surrender our fear that we may lose the loss or not survive its separation from us. God’s love brings our healing.

Writing the First of Two GBU Letters - Who, What, When, Where, and How

Who writes a GBU letter? From children to the very elderly, anyone can compose these letters. The most salient criteria are that the person not have unhealed brain damage (organicity or brain injury) or, otherwise, be unable to remain present when experiencing thoughts and...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 10.6.2013
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Psychologie
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Trennung / Trauer
• Themenwelt: Religion / Theologie ► Christentum ► Moraltheologie / Sozialethik
• ISBN-10: 1-62287-309-2 / 1622873092
• ISBN-13: 978-1-62287-309-8 / 9781622873098