Dad (un)wanted (eBook)

Child soldiers in the war of divorce

Niklas Holbe (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2023 | 1. Auflage
164 Seiten
tredition (Verlag)
978-3-384-06465-3 (ISBN)

Infos

A factual report that deals with the topic of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) after a divorce. Presented from the perspective of a father who tried for seven years to maintain contact with his child and dramatically describes how there are hardly any socio-pedagogical and legal options to counteract this. It clearly shows how those involved in German family law play for time. Children's rights and intact social ties are accepted as collateral damage.

Als neuer Autor, mit einem breiten Portfolio am Lebenserfahrung, stellen meine Bücher eine Mischung aus systemkritischen Erlebnissen dar. Eine Mix aus lebendiger Biografie und tragischen Erlebnissen, bereitet mir den Weg zum Leser und der Leserin. Mit viel Gefühl, bringe ich Ihnen das Erlebte nahe.

Textauszug

Chapter 3 Everything is levelling out

When you were still living with me, you always enjoyed travelling with me in the lorry. I can still see you sitting in the passenger seat. You had the laptop on your lap, your legs on the shelf and the thick headphones on your ears, watching YouTube.

They were always funny prank videos. In between, you were just laughing so incredibly heartily. I had to laugh along with you every time you explained to me what you had just watched and what had happened. And you only ever had your headphones half on. And I could see your happy, shining blue eyes. Your voice cracked because you kept laughing yourself. Sometimes I don't even know why I was laughing with you. I think it was more because of you, to see how well you were doing and because of the time we had together.

Then you looked at me and we were just happy. My favourite thing to do with you was the long-distance tours. I remember Offenburg. My God, that was a fun tour.

We had done some licence plate reading in between. I always read to you. I always had to act as if I had a knot in my tongue. And you laughed your head off every time you came up with a muddle. As if a yeti was starting to learn German.

"HU TZ 234" then very quickly became "Hutzzweidreivier". We both had a lot of fun and were so close.

And when we got hungry, you made us sandwiches or started the microwave during the journey. If only people knew how some lorries are equipped. As always, we had more than enough with us. The fridge was always full. But more to drink than to eat.

And you were addicted to Müller milk. Four times vanilla was no problem for you. In four hours! Sometimes you could hear the gurgling in your stomach, that's how much you drank. Especially when the road was bumpy, and you were shaken up on the seat.

As we usually drove at night, you were tired at some point and went to bed. I put the safety rail in, and you just whispered, "Good night, Dad" and fell asleep. Then we drove through the night. As a team!

You were curled up in your green sleeping bag. Wrapped up to your ears so that you could only just be glimpsed. The red night-time driving lights could only make out a shadow of you. I often just reached behind me and held on to your foot. I didn't let go of it for kilometre after kilometre. Just to be close to you.

In between, I drove to a motorway service area to smoke a cigarette. I stood in front of the lorry, looked through the windscreen and saw that you sometimes woke up. You sat up and I could see your face. You grinned at me for a moment and then lay down again. But sometimes you also used the moment to go to the toilet.

Then you climbed out of the lorry, and I watched after you until you disappeared into the service area.

I was so incredibly proud of you in those moments when you came strolling back and were grinning.

You gave me a quick hug and then disappeared again. In your green sleeping bag, behind the bumper.

It was always something special and incredibly beautiful. I was a happy dad, and you were happy too.

After you moved in, we took a lot of time for each other. We talked a lot and did a lot more.

The weather was fantastic, so we used every free minute for the swimming pool. We fooled around, got wet or started the "arse bomb competition". The aim was to get the lifeguard wet without him realising it was extra.

Sometimes we just chased each other around the pool and hid. The other person then had to search. You had your favourite hiding place in the passageway between the swimming pools. Quite often, I would walk past without realising that I had long since discovered you. I enjoyed seeing how much fun you were having.

You wanted to put a few things right. Not with me, but also with the youth welfare office and the court.

We simply went to the youth welfare office on 1 July 2022 and asked for Mr Fuchs.

However, he was still on holiday, so we had a chat with his deputy. The lady was very friendly and asked us why we were there. I didn't need to say anything. You took the initiative and I sat there again with my notebook and took notes.

The clerk sometimes couldn't write as fast as it came out of you.

She looked at you and listened to what you said with a red head, only to look at her protocol again and write it down. You told her that you were tired of acting. That you always had to pretend and that your mum always knew where you were. Even at the times when we had our weekends. And that your mum had insulted you several times and threatened to send you to a home.

The clerk catches her breath and looks up. She looks at you with wide eyes and makes sure she has heard you correctly. You sit in front of her and return her gaze. As you slowly nod.

I can't imagine what's going on inside you right now. I can only guess because you already told me on the day you moved in. And you also repeated that your mum claims I'm a narcissist and has repeated it to you several times.

You seem totally relaxed and calm. The clerk is still busy writing and so there's a pause. You look at me and ask me if you've forgotten anything. I look up and into your face.

"You tell what you want to tell, darling!"

I reply and look at my notebook again. I don't want you to say anything that I would like to hear. Because this is about you, not me.

You turn back to the case worker, and she asks you again why you acted out in the past. You explain to her that you were forced to do it. Your mother had threatened to destroy your PC. The case worker tells you that she can't say anything about it now because she doesn't know the problems of the last few years and our family. You sit quietly in front of her and listen to her. You look at her and she returns your gaze. But with a bright red head. You talk about the family psychology report.

The clerk interrupts you and looks at you in astonishment. You take a deep breath and start to talk. Your mum had told you what to tick. She gave you instructions on where to tick which boxes. So that it wouldn't be noticed. And I would look bad as your father, but your mother would look good. Because, according to you, your mum is also supposed to falsify documents to manipulate you. Just to show them to you. The clerk also wanted to know if you wanted to go to court.

You said yes, and the clerk said she would send a note to the court so that you could be heard before the hearing.

We said a friendly goodbye and you went outside.

I used the moment to ask the caseworker how we were going to deal with your stay. She just said that it wouldn't be a problem as long as you wanted to stay with me. I thanked her and left the youth welfare office after you. I came down the stairs and you were already in the car. All the windows were open. You were in the passenger seat playing with your mobile phone. I opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat. You looked at me and were grinning. Visibly relieved, you put your feet up on the dashboard and looked back down at your game. The engine hummed quietly as I rolled out of the parking space, and we drove home.

On our quieter days, you played PlayStation.

I often stood there and looked at what you were doing. Then I stood there with my coffee. I'd put a plate of fruit on your desk. A colourful assortment of oranges, apples, and grapes. I can still see you sitting there. The controller in your hand and your cheeks stuffed so full that any hamster would be green with envy.

In between, we also did some shopping for your summer camp in Austria.

As your mum had only handed over two pairs of jeans, three T-shirts, three pairs of socks and three pairs of pants, we still had some shopping to do. So, we dashed through Intersport and picked out several pairs of shoes, a backpack, shorts, shirts, and a rain jacket for you. So that you really had enough to wear. The cashier was really happy as he scanned item after item while chatting to you. I watched the bill go up and up.

Only to stop at €376. A discount of ten per cent had already been deducted.

You looked at me with wide eyes and I could see that you were speechless.

But at that moment I didn't care, because I saw you clutching your new Nike Air. Clutched tightly to your chest, you stood there while I paid the money. You wanted to put the shoes on straight away.

And with springy, proud steps you walked out of the shop. Lined right and left with shopping bags, you walked towards the car.

So, the days passed in this wonderful summer, we enjoyed the time we had together.

You had your court hearing on 19 July 2022. It was another great day.

The birds were chirping, and you were up early this time. We stood in the bathroom together and talked and planned what we would do after today's appointment. While I undressed to go into the shower, you tried to get your hair under control.

I was standing in the shower and could see you washing your face. The way you looked at me and I already knew what was coming next. When I looked through the shower cubicle, I recognised your grin. And then you turned on the hot water so that I was freezing cold. The water pressure eased. I saw you run out of the bathroom. I could hear you laughing and heard your quick footsteps on the tiles. My breath caught in my throat, and I tore open the shower cubicle to turn off the tap at the sink. With a laugh, I called after you:

"You little scumbag!"

You were doubled over with laughter and switched on the TV and RTL2 while I finished showering. Then we treated ourselves to a little breakfast and got ready for the...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 16.11.2023
• Verlagsort: Ahrensburg
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Briefe / Tagebücher
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Romane / Erzählungen
• Schlagworte: Attachment tolerance • Depression • Divorce • Divorced children • family court • Family Law • legal counselling • Legal psychologists • Parental Alienation Syndrom (PAS) • Parent-child Relationship • suicidal thoughts • Youth welfare office
• ISBN-10: 3-384-06465-8 / 3384064658
• ISBN-13: 978-3-384-06465-3 / 9783384064653