Real Passion Revolution (eBook)

10 Secret Ingredients for Healed, Healthy, Happy Relationships

Denise Darlene (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2017
238 Seiten
Lifestyle Entrepreneurs Press (Verlag)
978-1-946697-01-1 (ISBN)

Infos

Real Passion Revolution is designed for men and women who are frustrated, disappointed and struggling in their romantic relationships.
This book is also invaluable for single persons or new lovers who want to avoid the most common destructive mistakes nearly all couples make - ultimately leading to a failed or unhealthy relationship. This book offers hope and healing for all wounded lovers.
Real Passion Revolution offers the same tools that my lover, Joe, and I use every day to support a Loving, peaceful, safe, authentic, passionate relationship.
When applied, these principles will have a significant impact to better your life for a healthier, happier you!
Your mission today, should you choose to accept it is to:

Transform your life by learning highly unique and effective tools to bring a deep sense of peace, happiness, and passion back into your romantic relationships. Identify and eliminate the hidden fears that govern and derail both your life and your romantic relationship. Heal your inner wounds that cause you and your partner so much conflict and suffering. Learn to be completely authentic and vulnerable in all of your relationships without the fear of judgments or rejection. Become aware of, and avoid, the common, destructive mistakes most couples make in their romantic relationships. Implement the revolutionary, supportive, and empowering Transformation Tips I teach to create the fun, passionate, happily-ever-after relationship you long for.

I promise you this: if you do the work I'm presenting here, your relationships will change radically. Even better than that, My Friend, you will be transformed dramatically - you will be happy, peaceful, and content. You will be healed and on your way to experiencing the relationship you have been longing for.

Textauszug

SECRET INGREDIENT 1

THE PURPOSE OF LOVE

“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that My joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is My command: Love one another the way I Loved you. This is the very best way to Love.”

John 15:11MSG

I believe the main problems with every struggling relationship is first a faulty foundation (purpose) as well as a lack of critical tools (knowledge). Since the majority of relationships are struggling, I assert they are established upon a faulty purpose first and foremost. Did it ever occur to you to consider what the purpose of your romantic relationship should be? Not only didn’t it occur to me to consider that question, but I never heard anyone else talk about the purpose of their relationship either.

In this section, I will point out what I believe is the faulty purpose of relationships that don’t work (a default behavior) and contrast that with what I believe is a pure purpose, which does work.

First, I think it’s a good idea to start with your reality, My Friend. I don’t want just to give you information or advice; I want you to have a personal experience with these concepts to see for yourself where you want to make some changes. Besides, we all know that most of us don’t listen to the advice of others. Because, even if that guidance is perfect, it just remains someone else’s truth that we can dismiss or minimize by saying, “That may be true for him/her, but he/she doesn’t know my situation.” Unless it becomes real for us through an experience, it remains an impotent theory rather than a powerful truth or reality. I have found that by doing exercises that support a new concept, I am then able to take away what is right for me and leave behind whatever doesn’t apply to me or what I’m not ready to receive. I invite you to do the same with this material, Dear One.

It will support you best if you write down your answers before reading further. I have discovered that I usually have a vague concept of answers to questions in my mind, but I can get very clear about what is going on when I write my answers down or process them out loud with someone.

FAN THE FLAME

PURPOSE EXERCISE:

1. What are the top 3 attributes which attracted you to your lover?

a. Ex: He is a hard worker/She is compassionate with everyone/He is super playful/She is very peaceful

2. Now, based on the answers to the first question, which needs are being met for you with this person? Ex:

a. He is a hard worker, and that makes me feel secure; therefore, the need being met for me is security.

b. She is compassionate with me, which makes me feel nurtured; therefore, the need being met for me is nurturing.

c. He is super playful, which gives me a break from my seriousness; therefore, the need being met for me is fun.

d. She is very peaceful, which calms my anxiety; therefore, the need being met for me is a sense of peace.

3. As a result of what you are now aware of from answering questions 1 and 2, what do you believe is the purpose of your relationship?

Example:

In my relationship with Joe, besides the fact that this man is gorgeous and has the most captivating eyes, I was very attracted to his confidence, creativity, compassion, Spirituality, spontaneity, and commitment to having fun. He was attracted to my Spirituality, peacefulness, flexibility, and willingness to go along with his plans. If this were a need-based relationship, the needs being met for Joe would be peace, Spiritual growth, nurturing, acceptance, and fun. The needs being met for me would be peace, fun, security, Spiritual fellowship, and freedom.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK: A FAULTY FOUNDATION

Most people believe the purpose of these special relationships is to get their needs met; to complete themselves: “You bring your strengths that I don’t have to the relationship, and I will bring mine.” In the beginning, that exchange makes us happy. “I will trade you the security of your hard work in exchange for my peacefulness.” From this perspective, it would be more accurate to say, “I trade you very much,” rather than, “I love you very much.” This exchange of strengths is where we think our sense of completeness and happiness. But real and lasting happiness is never the result of something outside of us. Read that again, Dear Friend!

Now, I ask you, My Friend, is it more empowering to learn what it takes to become a more peaceful person or to rely upon your lover to calm you down? Is it more powerful to discipline yourself to include fun activities in your life or depend on your lover to drag you out of your comfort zone to play? In most of these relationships, we don’t want to change or grow ourselves; we only want our lover to do for us what we are unwilling to do for ourselves. The purpose of this relationship, therefore, is to “get” something.

The biggest problem with this foundation of getting is that it isn’t limited to getting that one need met (the one or three or ten you were attracted to when you chose this person to be your mate); it’s a whole mindset. It’s the idea that your lover is supposed to make you happy by conforming into an image you hold of what a lifepartner does and doesn’t do for you, or with you, or to you. I assert that depending on someone else to give you what you lack is not a good foundation on which to build a quality intimate relationship. This perspective leads to conflict down the line because no one wants to be controlled or molded into some ideal fantasy image. We want to be authentic! We long to be free—to simply be. When someone shows up in a way we don’t like or doesn’t fit our needs and wants, we complain, blame, nag, withdraw, and criticize in an attempt to control our lover. Any relationship based on getting uses strategies designed to control his/her partner into behaviors which he/she think will make them happy or more comfortable. In reality, those controlling behaviors undermine the relationship and lead to “irreconcilable differences.”

Have you or your partner used any of those strategies to get something to change in your lover? No one likes that by the way!

Example:

Janet and Jim were clients of mine who were in a serious breakdown in their relationship. After a small amount of questioning on my part, I realized where the main issue was. Like all couples, these two were attracted to each other to fill a need. In the beginning of the relationship, Janet felt insecure about being able to provide for herself after recovering from a serious illness. Jim wanted to “take care” of a woman, and Janet was a “damsel in distress;” Jim felt confident he could rescue her. The problem with a dependent-codependent relationship is that if just one of the people in the relationship becomes healthier, and the other partner doesn’t, there becomes a breach in the “relationship agreement.” Dependents believe they are helpless to take care of themselves. Codependents need to be in a place of power in the relationship; if someone “needs” you, you’re in power!

After being married a few years, Janet had become financially secure and no longer dependent upon Jim to provide for her. As a result, she began to notice Jim’s controlling behaviors and she began resisting his power. Jim attached his value to his ability to “take care” of his wife. Janet was acting too independently for Jim to get his need for power and value met, so he began resisting Janet’s new independence with even more controlling behaviors. Janet never saw Jim’s controlling behaviors before because her neediness blinded her to all the ways Jim was unhealthy. Janet was only looking for someone to save her. Jim was looking for someone to rescue and who would submit to his control.

In this particular relationship, it appeared these two people were only compatible in the roles of “dependent/codependent;” nothing else fit. If they had other areas of compatibility and if Jim would have done some healing work of his own and released his need to control, the relationship could have been saved. Unfortunately, Jim didn’t do the work, so he is bound to attract the same situation again; Janet won’t. Janet did the work of healing her insecurity/dependent mindsets.

Now that you understand that getting a need met is the faulty foundation that most relationships are built upon, let’s take a look at your answers to the questions I had you consider to make my point clearer.

Example:

If I feel insecure about being able to provide for myself, I will subconsciously be attracted to a man whom I perceive as a “hard worker,” either with a secure level of success or at least the perceived potential for success. In the beginning, I may often tell him how wonderful he is for being such a hard worker; I might even brag to my friends about how responsible he is and how safe I feel with him. However, as time goes on, his work hours begin to wear on me as I find myself spending so much time alone or without his support with the house or with our kids. My partner’s attractive trait worked perfectly for me at the beginning of our relationship until his work hours...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 14.2.2017
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Familie / Erziehung
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Partnerschaft / Sexualität
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Psychologie
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Familien- / Systemische Therapie
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Sozialpsychologie
• Themenwelt: Medizin / Pharmazie ► Medizinische Fachgebiete ► Psychiatrie / Psychotherapie
• Schlagworte: Coaching • Couples Therapy • Family • Love • marriage • Marriage Counseling • relationships
• ISBN-10: 1-946697-01-X / 194669701X
• ISBN-13: 978-1-946697-01-1 / 9781946697011