War on Grief (eBook)

Turning Tragedy into Hope

Neil Leatherbarrow (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2013 | 1. Auflage
298 Seiten
New Generation Publishing (Verlag)
978-0-7552-5054-7 (ISBN)

Infos

Neil Leatherbarrow opens with his analysis on grief which is likened to an enemy who seeks to destroy everything that is important to him. He begins his story with the tragic accident of his daughter, Charlotte, and how he tries to cope with the emotional trauma and struggle with his Christian faith. In the overarching story of his war on grief Neil has interwoven the story of his childhood, the challenges he faced growing up in a broken family, and how his faith gives him the determination not to let family history repeat itself in his own life. He discovers in the aftermath of his tragic loss that he must start to build an alternate life without Charlotte. Neil answers some tough questions on how his family deals with their loss, relationships with friends, and reveals how his grief becomes a battlefi eld on which his faith will stand or fall. Driven by his purpose to set up the Charlotte Leatherbarrow Foundation, Neil realizes how this will determine his future. Can he turn his tragedy into hope? This is a compelling story and will inspire you to believe, even in the face of tragedy, you can overcome adversity.

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Textauszug

Chapter 1 Shock Wave It was Thursday March 17th 2011. I had just finished teaching a bunch of international students on post modern youth culture, in Karlsruhe, Germany. I was sitting in my guest room with my laptop trying to Skype my wife Karen, and the kids back home. There was no answer so I thought I’d leave it for a while and try again later. I knew that Karen was probably rushing Charlotte to get her to the local dance school on time. At around 7 o’clock I noticed a missed call from Karen on my mobile phone, and then just as I was about to call I received a call from her. Her voice was clearly shaken and very upset. “Neil you need to come home there’s been a terrible accident!” My immediate thought was that Karen had been involved in a car accident. I remained calm and asked, “Are you alright?” Karen replied sounding more frantic, “Neil you need to come home now, its Charlotte she’s been hit by a bus!” “Why what happened?” “Do you really want me to tell you over the phone?!” “Yes.” “She’s dead, she’s dead, she’s dead Neil. Just come home now!” Karen’s voice broke down sobbing uncontrollably. I was dumbfounded and struggled to find any words to say, “Okay… I’m coming home sweetheart… I’m going to catch the last flight out of Germany I’ll call you later…” A sudden shock wave struck me. I leaned against the wall of my room to stop myself from falling over. In fact it felt more like a tidal wave, but from this moment on I was in perpetual shock. I had to gather my thoughts quickly, and concentrate on getting home as fast as possible. My time spent trying to get home that night was frustrating beyond belief. I was told I could get a stand-by ticket on the last flight out of Germany. I arrived at the airport with twenty minutes to spare, and ran to the flight desk to buy my ticket home. I could not believe my ears or eyes, when the woman sitting behind the desk refused to let me on the flight, telling me that I was too late to board the plane. Even when I explained what had happened back home, she just treated me with such indifference like I was making it all up. Her line manager did the same. I left the airport feeling like I had been singled out and discriminated against. This was the final straw that could break a camel’s back. I had to phone Karen and tell her I wasn’t coming home that night. She was still at the scene of the fatal collision where the police had sealed off the road, and the area was now a crash investigation site. The paramedics had covered Charlotte’s body she was still lying under the bus. Thank God my dear and faithful friends Paul and Heidi were there to comfort Karen, and my boys Luke and Jason. Karen described to me that she was driving Charlotte to her dance class, and the traffic was piled up Herne Hill, so she let her out to cross the road, when she ran and was hit by a double Decker bus. Jason, my 14 year old son, was sitting in the back of the car and witnessed the collision. Karen told me how brave he was that night, holding her tightly his first words was of comfort. “Its okay mummy Charlotte is with Jesus now.” I so badly wanted to be with them and so completely frustrated that I was not, and yet I had this crushing pain in my heart that seemed to dull the anger. I told Karen I would call her again, to let her know when I had booked the first flight out of Germany in the morning. When I hung up I was on my way back to the guest house, I cried out, “My baby’s gone, my baby’s gone!” my heart was broken. I retired to my room exhausted. I tossed and turned all night wrestling with my thoughts. I searched the night sky out of my window, looking for some kind of sign that everything was going to be alright. Only to be overcome with despair I felt lost in a sea of emotion. That was probably the loneliest night I had spent in my entire life. The roads were empty travelling to Frankfurt airport in the early hours of the morning. There was an eerie silence, and I don’t know if it was just exhaustion or that I genuinely felt more at peace. It was as if God had given me some sort of reassurance that Charlotte was safe in His arms. Whatever it was I had the strength to face my darkest hour. The journey home seemed endless, and the relief was immense when I made my way out of London City airport that morning. The reality of losing Charlotte hit me more when I saw my friends at the arrivals. The shock on their faces said it all. How could this have happened? By the time we reached my home I was shaking like a leaf. I paused for a moment standing outside the front door, and thought to myself, life will never be the same for my family, whatever was meant to be before Charlotte’s death was now being rewritten. The future looked very uncertain. I had woken up that morning to an alternate reality, and now walking through this door I was going to realize my worst nightmare. I wasn’t prepared how could you be prepared for something like this? I felt weak, vulnerable, scared and angry all at the same time. I hadn’t felt like this since I was a boy… my mind flashed back to when I walked into a lounge one night, and found a strange man lying naked on top of my mother. It was a complete shock. I surprised myself with the kind of language that came out of my mouth, and the stranger’s violent reaction towards me who was later to become my first stepfather.That night I did a lot of growing up, the shocking realization that the world I lived in wasn’t safe at all. I was nine years old. I felt like that boy again as I stood in my front doorway, all the tough lessons I had learnt growing up, all the stupid things I had done. A juvenile delinquent in a street gang, breaking and entering, stealing, joy riding in stolen cars not knowing or caring if I was going to live or die, fighting with fists, fighting with knives, on probation, drunk and so high I couldn’t remember how I rode home safely on my motorbike. Then at the age of 16, I turned my life around, following a truth and a way of life that was so alien to me, but had changed me from the inside out. I had lived my life daring to do things some would not consider. I had seen some amazing things happen. But probably the most life changing thing I had ever done was to marry a woman, who fitted me perfectly like a well tailored glove, and raised three beautiful children. Not to repeat the history of my own childhood, but to change it. By pouring my heart and soul into loving my family with everything I had to give. Through all these things, I always felt I would be prepared for whatever life had to throw at me, but not this, not losing my daughter. I was still nauseous with shock my world didn’t feel safe again, and was about to take a turn for the worse as I opened my front door. I had been married to Karen for twenty one years, we were soul mates. Nothing and nobody had ever tested our relationship like this before. Karen is a strong and compassionate woman. She had trained as a nurse at St. Thomas’s hospital in London. When we were first married I would pick her up from having done a night shift. Her uniform would be covered in blood. She very excitedly told me all about her night of drama in casualty. How a man had thrown himself in front of a tube train, and severed his arm, but survived the ordeal. Another time, Karen and I were walking by the river Thames with some friends on a nice Sunday afternoon. We were passing a building site with one of those industrial cranes, at least 100 feet high, and a high fence around the whole site. Suddenly we heard what could only be described as a blood curdling scream, and then the sound of a hard thud on the ground inside the fenced area. Before I could say anything, Karen was running to find the entrance to get into the building site. I ran after her, by the time I had caught up with her, she was kneeling down beside what seemed to be a dead body. As I drew closer I saw one of the most horrific scenes I have ever witnessed. A man lying face down on concrete, his arms and legs twisted and bent. His head cracked open in a pool of blood not flowing. Half of his face and brains was scattered around his body. Karen was in super nurse mode, one hand on his neck feeling for a pulse, and the other on her mobile to the emergency services. They wanted her to turn the body over to try and get his heart going. I glared at her and told her firmly, there was no way we were going to turn him over. I shuddered at the thought of what we would see. I had already trodden on part of his face or brain. I certainly didn’t want to see what was left. I told Karen they must be joking if they thought she could try to revive him. Fortunately, by this time the police and paramedics arrived and took control of the situation. This was a shocking scene to witness, and one that Karen and I talked about for weeks afterwards. As traumatic as this was, and what looked like a suicide, Karen was able to cope with this kind of tragic incident. As a nurse she had engaged in so many dramas. But this was so different for her now, as a mother witnessing her own daughter’s horrific death. I will never forget how fragile she was that day; the tortured look on her face; her eyes full of despair as we held each other for a long time; she was tormented with regret for ever letting Charlotte out of the car. I reassured her that we were going to get through this together; that we would not let this destroy our family; unless the bus driver was found guilty of negligence, this was an...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 1.5.2013
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Romane / Erzählungen
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Psychologie
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Trennung / Trauer
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Religion / Theologie ► Christentum
• ISBN-10: 0-7552-5054-0 / 0755250540
• ISBN-13: 978-0-7552-5054-7 / 9780755250547