Heroin's Puppet -Amy (and her disease) (eBook)

The Rehab Journals of Amelia F. W. Caruso (1989 - 2009)

Melissa M. Weiksnar (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2012 | 1. Auflage
270 Seiten
Amelibro Press LLC (Verlag)
978-0-9854787-1-1 (ISBN)

Infos

Amy Caruso was a junior in the nursing program at Boston College and seemed to have everything going for her-brains, beauty, athleticism, career goals, a loving family, and many wonderful friends. But in November of 2009, she admitted she was a heroin addict and voluntarily entered treatment. Five weeks later, she died from an overdose at the treatment facility on the day after Christmas, weeks shy of her twenty-first birthday. Melissa Weiksnar wrote Heroin's Puppet so parents, educators, clinicians, and young people can learn from her daughter's six-year battle with substances, especially from the journals Amy wrote while in rehab.

Textauszug

The decision about where to send Amy for high school was fraught with tension. I was concerned about how she would fare at the Regional Public High School (RPHS). While excellent academically, the school had its liberal traditions, features my husband knew firsthand from his four years there. I feared for Amy’s ability to use her freedom wisely—for example, the open campus policy for seniors. I worried about the trouble she might find after dismissal and on days oft” when I was at work. As a ninth-grader, she would overlap with our first daughter’s senior year, and I was concerned that having both girls in the same school might be difficult for her sister given how Amy might act out.

The alternative to RPHS was Blessed Virgin Mary Preparatory (BVMP), the all-girls high school where I’d started teaching math after leaving the high-tech industry when Amy was in seventh grade. I had great respect for my colleagues and wanted Amy to have the benefit of their subject matter expertise and values. I liked that our Catholic tradition would be reinforced by Masses or prayer services held for religious feasts and school traditions. I longed for a few short years of commuting with Amy, concluding our conversations as we drove up to the wooded campus. I imagined the satisfaction of walking into the imposing classroom building with her, and how she would enjoy seeing the younger students on the campus. My husband and I hoped that by being a small high school of 200 students she would be less likely to fall through the cracks and act out.

Amy wrote us a letter expressing her thoughts on the matter.

Hey Mom and Dad,

I am writing to talk to you about the BVMP decision. I know you really want me to go there, but I have soooo many reasons why I know it would be better for me to go to RPHS. Over the years I have changed schools about 6 times. For once in my life I thought that I would actually be able to stay set where I am right now and actually go into high school with my fliends…I am completely sick of all the new friends I have had to make, and lose. For once I am becoming very very very close to a lot of kids at my middle school, and now you are trying to take that away from me. You say that you will let me stay very close to my friends, but that’s also what you said when I left for fifth grade and I ended up staying close with one friend, and that was because she lived less than half a mile away so I could easily bike to her house. (With people like Lily, I can’t do that because they live much farther away.) Still my friend and I only saw each other about 3 times in the full year. I tried an all girls environment in fifth grade and it doesn’t work for me. My first choice in school was RPHS, even over boarding school. While I am writing this letter, I’m crying, because I cannot imagine having to change schools again, and again attend an all girls’ school. On my visiting day there, the teachers were ok, but I found on my half day at RPHS, the teachers were a lot stronger in what they taught, and they really got the message across to me. At BVMP, I was practically falling asleep during each of the classes, and I didn’t learn anything new. Also at BVMP, all I heard was gossip among the students, during classes, recess, and lunch, even church. Now I do know that I gossip a bit, I’ll admit to that, but in one 45 minutes lunch period, I probably heard more gossip than I heard in 1 month at my school. With all girls, that is basically all there is to do, and I can’t stand it. Fifth grade was like that and the only thing that kept me sane was my friend. Also I do not want to go to a school that my own mother teaches at. When Mom taught religious education for my grade, I completely misbehaved because it felt like I was at home, so I felt like I could do whatever I wanted. I don’t want to have to go through four years of high school like this. BVMP doesn’t have Latin or Orchestra, and RPHS has both of those plus about 832,647,153 different groups and clubs that BVMP doesn’t have. Also, I was kind of looking forward to going to BVMP with someone from my school, and if [she] hadn’t had health issues, I would be MUCH more open to it, but now that she’s probably not going to BVMP, my opinion has been greatly affected, and even if she were going, it would still be very very difficult. I am just sooooo upset that you already made my high school decision already…and I’m not saying I never want to go to BVMP, it’s just that I’m not ready to go this year and I’m begging you to PLEASE reconsider and respect my input, because I know that I would try really hard at RPHS and I honestly think it is the best decision. If I thought BVMP was the right decision, the thing about my friends wouldn’t bother me that much, but I know it is not the right decision. Please reconsider because I am miserable ): ): ):

?Love, Amy

P.S. I have many more reasons but I think the letter is long enough as it is.

My husband and I considered this input, and decided we would allow her to attend RPHS if she agreed to see a counselor. Yet in August Amy chose to matriculate at BVMP, accompanied by her middle school alter ego Lily. While both of them wanted to attend RPHS, they agreed to attend BVMP if the other one went. Lily’s mom had hoped that a Catholic school might provide the structure and discipline to help her daughter stay on a better path than public school. Meanwhile, I was preparing for my first marathon, having stepped up my running as a way of taking care of myself amid the stresses of three teenagers.

The School Year Begins

The transition to BVMP did not bode well. When I was proctoring Amy and Lily as they took their placement tests, Amy refused to move seats when I asked. The school librarian, who was not aware that Amy was my daughter, said to me after observing the defiance, “Can you believe how rude that kid was? What kind of girls are we admitting now?” In fact, about one in four of the girls entering the class of 2007 left BVMP, and even with incoming transfer students the graduating class was a mere thirty-six.

Amy’s first progress report was mostly Bs and Cs, with comments including, “More seriousness needed,” “Needs to come for help regularly for awhile,” “Needs to change quicker for gym class,” and “Needs more consistency in effort.” Her report card comments were all from the negative palette: “Incomplete assignments one to three times,” “Attitude needs to improve,” “Does minimum requirements,” “Inconsistent effort,” “Needs to stay for help,” “Noticeable lack of effort,” and “Inadequate preparation for class.” One teacher had pulled her aside to tell her that she had the best research paper in the class, so she now expected to see more work of that caliber. Amy’s retort to me was, “I don’t like that teacher anymore, because now she thinks I’m capable.”

So in yet another environment, Amy was underperforming academically. She opted to not participate in fall sports, citing the high school transition, yet she had not joined any extracurricular activities. The girl who loved hoops declined to even try out for winter basketball, despite being heavily recruited by the athletic director, Ms. Dirath, and the coach. We couldn’t figure out why: lack of self-esteem? In all her experiences with musical instruments, she had not practiced in a committed way, frustrating teachers and parents who could see her getting by on her natural ability, and raising the question: Could she work through a challenge?

Amy soon held the school record for most detentions that year. In October, the principal said, “It is not beyond the realm of possibility that she will be asked to leave.” She cited numerous incidents of Amy being late for class or wandering, almost always with Lily, repeating the dyad pattern from grade school. The principal mentioned how Amy always argued, never said “I’m sorry,” and was beginning to really aggravate the students and teachers with her behavior.

Amy’s facial expressions often communicated disdain or contempt, which she denied if confronted. Her body language was often “droopy,” even in meetings with the principal. Teachers across every class had observed similar affect, which was especially a problem in the honors sections. In January, the principal told us, “Amy must be tested as a prerequisite to staying here.” She questioned whether some of Amy’s behavior was voluntary, especially her inability to keep quiet when the principal was talking to someone else in her presence.

One teacher reported in January, “Often I have had to get after Amy to pass in material that was due on a certain day. Several times she said she passed in material that I never received. Amy’s attitude is quite disturbing to me. She often shows little interest in class. When she is called, you can hardly hear her reply. Dealings with Amy frustrate and weary me. Outside of class I have found her to be defiant. If you ask her to move, she won’t. The students in class are quite aware of her attitude. Can this continue?”Amy told this same teacher, when asked whether she had taken photographs of people at school, “You know how sneaky I can be.” Another irritation occurred in a class where Amy dropped a pen. Her solution was to slowly inch her desk forward so she could retrieve it with her foot, which proved much more disruptive than other alternatives.

As a teacher, I observed several incidents as well. One was when the principal was talking with Lily, and Amy came up and interrupted. Another was when Amy was attempting to argue with the principal in full view of several classmates about a locker matter, and when the principal had to...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 16.11.2012
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Sucht / Drogen
• ISBN-10: 0-9854787-1-3 / 0985478713
• ISBN-13: 978-0-9854787-1-1 / 9780985478711